You’ve got your hands full…
And other none helpful things to say to twin parents.
I’m not gonna get all negative and hate on none twin parents or as they’re called in TwinLand ‘Singleton’ parents, or none parents, because once upon a time I WAS a singleton parent, and before that I was a none parent way back in a time before I even realised there was a term for parents who had only one child at a time. But now as a twin & singleton Mama I hear the same boring (and sometimes hurtful) statements thrown at me time and time again.
“Oh wow you’ve got your hands full” <— this always makes me feel annoyed, because doesn’t every parent have their hands full? What are you doing as a parent if you don’t! And secondly this invalidates the lady standing behind me with her single baby that she’s currently struggling with, by indirectly saying to her that she should be finding this whole parenting lark easy because you only got one! Well it isn’t not all of the time and circumstance can mean that one person finds it so much harder than someone else. Please stop and think before you say this, it’s rude and insinuates that if there was another option I would take it. Well I wouldn’t not ever.
“Did you know you were having twins?” <— “No I just thought I was getting really fat” (sarcastic smile) No but seriously this makes me question that, are you asking because if we didn’t that makes it easier to deal with? and means there was no get out clause because nobody wants two at a time right! Or us finding out and still having them weirds you out? What should we of done discovered we were expecting 2 babies and then decided to abort one or both and try again another day?
It doesn’t matter wether we knew or not we have two babies and love them dearly, my grandma didn’t know she was expecting twins but got on with it and loved them both, we knew we were which ultimately meant we could prepare better y’know for clothes cribs etc not to decide what to do with the “extra” one…
“Not having any more then? / Is this it now?” <— Yes I have had strangers say this to me! Honestly it’s disrespectful, it is nobody else business how many children I bare, myself and my (nearly) husband who I have been with for nearly 12 years are not asking you to bring them up / look after them / pay for their up keep or to send them to uni one day. So if you aren’t involved in the making of them, you don’t get to ask and will get your head bitten off! I refuse to be polite to rudeness.
I’m not gonna dwell too much on it all as honestly I’ve heard some gems out of peoples mouths thankfully nobody has been so rude as to ask if they were conceived naturally (honestly who are these people that ask this!) It’s never crossed my mind to ask another lady especially one I don’t know, how she gave birth, wether her kids are naturally conceived etc etc… it’s errr nobody else’s business, please be kind to other Mamas and ask if they need a hand instead of being so nosy.
And in all seriousness I’m not having a go, we nearly always get asked if they’re identical which I know can be monotonous and annoying especially as they are girl / boy twins but sometimes you got to just understand that people only know what they know! Did you honestly know all the ins and outs of twins before becoming a twin parent? I have twin aunt and uncle and Future Husbands dad is a twin, we didn’t know all the twin stuff and you know what neither did they!
What really bothers me is people assuming that my twins weren’t planned as there’s 21 months between our eldest and them, now the them coming together 2 at a time wasn’t planned but us having another baby very much was planned! the fact they came together was a BONUS in our eyes, so stop with the pitiful looks and sad faces as if we have such a terrible life now we have 3 small children with 2 of them being twins! And I don’t mind questions it’s the statements of above that bother me the most please don’t make such a careless statement towards me when you don’t know me, and my babies don’t need to hear the pity in your voice. Because I LOVE being a twin Mama and I love having 3 little people all of a similar age I feel like this is something I’m good at and I have 3 beautiful babies who are my entire world, I would NEVER change the fact 2 of them came together, and you know what? If we decide to have any more I kinda hope 2 come together then too.
I’ve seen on twin message boards about how they love to rip singleton parents apart for asking stupid questions, and man I’d love to be that sanctimonious and know all the stuff in all the world! But nobody started out as a twin parent as at some point you were just a you.
Please respect other Mamas & Daddies – Twin Mamas & Daddies / Singleton Mamas & Daddies we’re all just here doing our best and loving the little people we created are we not. ✌🏼