Nicci Louise

Proofreader, Copy Editor & Book reviewer

4 weeks of lockdown has me wanting to run for the hills.

I walked into this Lockdown with the very best of intentions, a chance to have quality time with the kids, get into a solid routine with cleaning and the never ending cycle of washing clothes (where do they all come from!) and maybe even throw in learning something new…

As we enter the 5th week, I’m currently sat near a washing basket with so many clothes in it, I’m never gonna be able to carry it up stairs to put it all away, seriously though how is anyone still finding clothes to wear?! Surely they’re all either in that basket or the dirty laundry basket?

The house it seems can only have one clean room at any one time and will only remain clean for as long as the kids are not in it! I see now that us having a clean house EVER was all an illusion, and only made possible by them being at school! My hatred for lego is far bigger than I ever imagined, why is there lego on the stairs? in the bathroom? in the bath? on the floor in the kitchen? Do they not need these bloody pieces to build their masterpieces?! I gained a hole in my knee last week after kneeling down in the boys room to tidy it YET AGAIN! for something like the 3rd time that bloody week, and knelt on a fucking metal jack thing (little spiky metal twatpiece) and when I say knelt I mean I landed with all my weight perfectly on one of those little spikes! It hurt, I nearly cried, I shouted and wanted to hurl the little twat right out the window (I didn’t because that’s just gonna show the boys it’s ok to hurl stuff out their window and frankly my garden is more destroyed than my house right now) but I wanted to!

The kids eat like all the fucking time! which I know because weekends and school holidays, but why are they sooooo hungry at 9:30am they have breakfast about 7 / 7:30am how are they starving, to the point they may die from hunger unless they get crisps right now? I’ve started saying “would you be complaining this much to your teacher? No well then pretend I’m your teacher and pretend you aren’t hungry. You’re on school time now, so school stomaches are needed” and frankly right now getting a delivery slot is nigh on impossible and when we can get one, apparently Sainsbury’s never has any food in stock.Yay to attempting to live on fresh air.

I have however gained much more of an appreciation for teachers, how they deal with a class of 20+ kids at any one time is anyones guess! They deserve a medal, trying to get my 3 to all listen at the exact same time is just as difficult as getting them to all smile at the same time for a bloody photo!

Today was us back to homeschooling, that went as well as using a jug to put out a blazing inferno. We started out fairly well, or rather they lured me into a false sense of security until I got the paint out. I’m not the kind of parent who does craft often, I mean I love craft for me but me alone, kids make too much mess and stick stuff all anywhere and the floor gets covered in glitter and sequins and shit and I feel I’m on the brink of a breakdown. So we often limit craft to the garden or at nannies house lol she’s got far more patience than I have. Anyway I got that paint out, we were gonna do a little handprint butterfly for the Twins as part of their eschools stuff, all was going well until I sent them to wash their hands. I could hear them laughing (never a good sign in our house! this can only mean trouble) off I went upstairs to find the bathroom smeared in fucking paint along with the towels and all of them now sporting orange arms! Seriously! decided we were done on home learning fuck it, 11am and Mama was done she needed a bottle of Gin, but coffee would have to do! Cleaned the bathroom up, gave them all a good talking to, and sent them to clean their bloody bedrooms AGAIN!

So I decided to tackle the living room and give it a proper clean, you know like dusting the top of them bookcases and what not, I even cleared every shelf off and dusted those too. Go me! Put all their awesome artwork from school in a folder and sorted out their reports to put away too. I managed to gain a bin bag full of shit just out the living room, meanwhile Milo decided to knock the bowl over currently collecting the drips out of a leaky pipe under the toilet and flood the bathroom floor, which obviously comes through to the kitchen ceiling, I mean why wouldn’t it. We have a lot of issues with our bathroom and kitchen ceiling, eventually we may get it all sorted, but who knows, right now we just gotta live with it.

The kids bedrooms are still not tidy, guess I’ll be doing that shortly along with attempting to put the mammoth wash basket of clothes away whilst I contemplate my existence and wonder why I didn’t abandon ship and hot foot it to my mama’s house because she’s on her own and “needs company” as soon as lockdown was announced, I could be doing all those amazing and wonderful things all those influencers on Instagram are banging on about us doing right now, like learning a new skill, reading all the books you’ve ever wanted to and never had time for, taking time for yourself for some proper self care and down time. Well providing you don’t have kids, I mean learning a new skill whilst a 4 year old is nagging in your ear about being hungry for the 47th time that day and it’s only 10am is not really conducive to anyones learning. And down time for us is the hour we get after eventually getting the kids to actually stay in bed and go to sleep, cleaning the kitchen and tidying up all the fucking little bits of lego pieces and hatchimals littered around the house for the 18th time that day, and us going to bed ready to get up and do it all over again, when the kids become awake again at bloody 6:30am.

Yay, week 5 we’ve got this! haven’t we? we have right? I’m not feeling it right now.

Check in on your friends with kids in lockdown, we’re not ok. (and send Gin)

Nicci x


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